1. Plan in Advance or Set the Stage
Maybe your contribution to a holiday dinner could be a veggie dish or salad… Or if wine is your weakness, perhaps bring an alternative beverage, such as flavored fizzy water…
Any display of celebratory inhibition is greatly frowned upon. You are here for two purposes—to judge and be judged. Enjoyment is for your secret alone time.
2. Eat to Savor, Not Gorge
Changing the way you eat, in addition to what you eat, is one of the best ways to make sure you don’t become another holiday weight gain statistic.
That veggie dish or salad we were referring to in number 1? It’s actually three stalks of celery. Better make them last.
3. Put Yourself in the Driver’s Seat
And if family expectations are an issue, there are lots of tricky ways around that… Some people say they’ve “developed a food allergy” to explain why they’re skipping the bread and pie. After all, going gluten-free is such a trend nowadays, it barely raises eyebrows.
Deception is absolutely necessary especially given the unrealistic expectations propagated in part by this very article.
4. Eat Like a Kid
For contrast, watch a child eat, and you’ll notice the difference. Maybe he plays with each type of food on the plate, mounding up peas, making faces in his mashed potatoes. Or maybe he’s just playful while he eats, sailing each spoonful through the air. Either way, he enjoys the experience minute by minute.
The above assumes the child is a boy. If you happen to spy a young girl enjoying her meal, you should immediately put down your fork to teach her valuable life lessons of shame and having a negative self image. Then both of you can avoid holiday temptation together!
5. Earn Your Food
Clearing the dead leaves from the garden, vaccuming the living room, and cleaning out the garage are all physically demanding and will keep you on your feet and moving. (And you’ll have a cleaner house and tidier garden for the holidays too.)
There are really are so many ways to be judged and shamed, why not make a game of it?
6. Don’t Punish Yourself
Saying “wow, you said no to that third glass of wine, good for you!” goes a lot further than “Geez I shouldn’t have eaten that second piece of pie.” Now, turn your focus to the healthy ways you’re going to take care of yourself tomorrow. Maybe an evening walk is in order?
You should punish yourself.
7. Go to Bed on Time
There’s a natural tendency to let our sleep routines go haywire over the holidays. We talk into the night with old friends and family, or we hit the bar or sleep in just because we can.
Staying up at night drinking will only give loved ones the false impression that holiday gatherings are a celebration to be enjoyed.
Also who the fuck is the Calorie Control Council and why do they sound so evil?